Reports have come in to prolix that just outside the Co-Op store in Cranbrook, Kent, DEFRA's rapid response unit has been called in to action. In a scene flawlessly displaying the organisation's competence and situation handling ability - prolix's man on the street describes how "four tiny red traffic cones form a small square with red and white hazard tape wound round them, in the middle of this makeshift fence lies a dead duck with it's little orange feet in the air."

There should be a picture on the way to confirm this.

How very reassuring...

UPDATE: Picture now received.